October 25, 2010
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4 year old Possesiveness
The past few weeks, Julian CANNOT throw things (other than uneaten dinner)
away. He can't give away anything either. For one particular item, he begged for 45 minutes, almost making himself sick. I try to be empathetic about these things, but some things.... Well, this is a list of just a few things he has Refused to throw away. He says it's his favorite, or part of his "_______collection"... (Really? You have a collection of paint chips retrieved from the driveway? News to me!)- Broken toy horse from a music box that my grandmother gave me.
- Broken balloon pieces
- Garbage (tin Chipotle thing) picked up on our nightly walk
Things he has had a fit over that were in the give away box
- Ceramic cat statue that we received from my SIL before he was born. It's been sitting high up on top of a bookshelf gathering dust.
- Receiving blanket received from WIC that is still in the plastic and has never been used. (We have a bajillion receiving blankets!)
- Old clothes that no longer fit (all, not just a favorite pair or anything)
With the exception of the balloon pieces the stuff isn't even his to begin with, he's never played/used it, and yet he goes crazy over getting rid of it. Our house is desperately in need of decluttering, yet it's a fight to get rid of anything, let alone the many boxes of STUFF that are necessary. What's up with this???? Please tell me it's just a phase!
Comments (2)
It probably is just a phase! That doesn't help your need to de clutter though. It sounds to me like Julian is using this possessiveness as a means of being in control. Kids get to control so little in their lives that sometimes they find ways to feel powerful. One way you might deal with this is have a box for the things that are truly his (the paint chips/toys) and make a rule that he can keep say 10 items. When he wants to add a new item to the box he has to first get rid of an old one to make room. As for the other items in the house they belong to Mommy and Daddy and as adults you get to use the "because I say so" card. Julian will learn that while you acknowledge his feelings and opinions about things ultimately it is your choice to decide what will keep him and the family healthy and happy.
I agree that part of it is a phase and that he wants some control in his life. But it might not be a short phase. Jackson does this a lot!!!! He has a little tin lunch box and a little storage cube that he gets to keep his "things" in. The tin lunch box always is a big variety of weird things. The storage cube usually has little toys or random things like an old camera case that we never used he says "he loves it". For Jackson and I think most kids wouldn't except the rule of only ten things. Thats a broad number for little minds. They don't understand why they have to have a limit. So for Jackson if he wants to keep something he has to be responsible and keep them in the lunchbox or storage cube. Right now they are crammed full of stuff. When they start getting full and I've noticed he's not played or gotten out something he hasn't had a in awhile I take it out without him knowing. I know its kind of mean to go behind his back but at his age and development stage of dealing with things like anxiety, I just don't think its fair to put that pressure on him. I keep it hidden for several weeks and if he asks for it, I'm like oh lets go find it maybe it got out of the box. and he gets it back. Somethings I know to never touch. He's had things for the longest time and I would never dare to get rid of. Other things that aren't things that he wants to keep in there just as a hard time letting go of I do it when he's not around. Then when its something I think he can more easily let go of I talk to him about why we get rid of things and finding a new home for it. Sometimes he's gets really upset and sometimes not as much. the older he gets the more we'll work on it. I just think he's only 4 and has to deal with so much already that I don't want to put more pressure on his little heart. Maybe its not the best way to deal with it but its what I feel good about for Jackson.
Good luck!