Name:Nicole Country:United States State:Ohio Metro:Cincinnati Birthday:5/28/1978 Gender:Female
Interests:Reading, getting little man down for a nap, Being a Girl Scout Co-Leader, torturing my 2 kitties (and my hubby) Expertise:Reading. Sleeping. Making a fool of myself. I'm especially good at that one. Occupation:Accounting/Finance Industry:Landscaping
Kaya failed her second hearing test today. Since she was born at home, she didn't have a newborn hearing test. I finally got her in for a screening in August. She didn't pass. Her eardrums weren't moving as much as they would like, so they recommended to see if it was just a need to grow bigger thing. Well, now she's bigger, and she failed the test again. The pressure test was OK, but she failed the hearing test. However, it was inconclusive as to whether she failed because of actual hearing loss or if she failed because of maybe some goop in her ears. So we were referred to ENT to take a look, and based on whether it's just goop or not would determine whether we do another full ABR. (Audiology Brain Response or something like that. The test is hard to get because she has to be asleep for the duration of the test, and it can take up to an hour.) Or whether we "put her in the booth" which is apparently seeing if she turns her head towards a sound. It was unclear whether she has mild hearing loss or whether there's just goop in her ears. So we're going to go to the ENT, but I'm not sure about beyond that. There was a mention of maybe needing surgery to put tubes in her ears, depending on the results of course. On the one hand my nephew had to have tubes, but on the other I wonder if it's really necessary. There's no question that she failed the test, but only mildly.
If it's not going to affect speech or language, is it worth going through? What has your expeience with this been?
Thankfully, I'm to the point I can laugh at this now.
Kaya woke up just before the alarm went off, so I had some hope that with the extra time I might be able to sneak down and do some yoga. But then JB woke up, so that hope was dashed.
JB bit me while nursing, so I unlatched him. He of course was upset about this, and hit me, several times, hard. After hubby took JB downstairs this led to a total breakdown, crying on the bed for 20 minutes before I could get ready for work.
I tried to get it together, but already upset, snapped at hubby about a pop tarts wrapper.
On the way to work I couldn't find my breakfast, I thought I must have left it in the toaster being so upset when I left.
Got to work and made a status update about forgetting my breakfast, mentioning my husband's lack of help with the hitting.
Made my earlier post, totally exasperated and at my wit's end as to what to do to stop JB's hitting behavior and angry at hubby for my (false) interpretation of how he handled the incident.
Hubby's best friend reads the status update and the post, and makes his own status update directed at me that some people need to filter themselves. I was pissed off, but did immediately delete the status update and the link on facebook to my xanga post. I made a second update telling him to go back to his coffee.
Pause
I did a lot of thinking then. I feel like I don't know social norms, and I was trying to figure out the logic of what he was accusing me of. You know, the "if what I'm doing is bad then what the hell am I supposed to do instead?!?:" thing. At first I was saying, so it's OK for me to bitch about my son's bad behavior but not my husband's? But then I realized the difference. With children, most people in our society will automatically attribute a good intention or an innocent motivation to less than perfect behavior. With adults, not so much. Everybody is human and has faults, and it wasn't fair to hubby to be publicly airing his. Nobody likes to be pointed out that they did something wrong though, so I wasn't very gracious about it. He wasn't nice in the way he told me I fucked up, but I wasn't very nice in responding to it, either.
8. Went to put my bowl from lunch back in my bag and found my breakfast that I thought I had forgotten. 9. Was starting to feel better because lots of people had made supportive comments about having a breakdown, started to get ready to leave work, and stepped in dog shit. Yep, the boss' dog had done his business in the basement and I hadn't noticed it.
See, now THAT'S absurd. With everything going wrong and having such a bad day, stepping in dog doo doo right when you were starting to feel better is just the universe laughing at you. I just gave up at that point.
The icing on the cake was when I went to the store to get cheese. You can only get the 16 oz. size with WIC, and there was exactly 1 package left in that size.
What a day! It started off normal enough. Dribbling out money to the phone company, utility company, and credit card company left our checking account in the less than single digit range, and the savings accounts only in the mid double digit range. We still owe all of them, but I was hoping it would be enough to at least avoid being disconnected. We took hubby to work, started dishes and dinner, and hubby called to come get him. Yep, he lost his job.
Apparently they had a new menu item on Saturday, some sort of dessert. Hubby was working the pizza station which also does desserts. They were trying to figure out a way to keep it warm and hubby put 2 of them in the pizza oven. He was able to warn the first server that the plate was extremely hot, but not the second. He apologized profusely when he found the server though, and she said that she hadn't been hurt or anything. But today when he went in, the manager was there and said they had to let him go for compromising employee safety. The manager did say he would be happy to give a good reference, though.
Since he was fired I'm not sure if he qualifies for unemployment or not. If it's still the same as it was 3 years ago he'll have a "waiting week" first though. He worked yesterday, so I have a sinking feeling that even if he does qualify, we wouldn't be able to start his waiting week until next week, which would mean 2 weeks without even unemployment. Now would be a good time to remember that my hours just got reduced, and I gross $195/week. There is pressure from my family to quit my job and find something full time. However, I'm not going to find a better job than I have now. True, I do not have benefits and it's a dead end job. But, the flexibility is unmatched. I can name whatever days and times I want to work, within reason. I can come to work in jeans and a t-shirt everyday, not just on fridays. (This is important to me as I've never been comfortable in more "dressy" clothes.) Best of all, I can bring my daughter to work with me. I don't have to worry about pumping to feed her, or having to leave her home with a daddy that for the most part doesn't want to hold her. (He's better when they're older, thank God!) Although I'm definitely getting bored and will want to find a new job at some point in the next few years, I don't think now is the right time for that.
No, now is the time to seize the opportunity that has been presented to us. Hubby wasn't exactly happy there anyway. He wasn't necessarily unhappy, but he definitely wasn't happy. Now is the time to figure out something that he would wake up in the morning and look forward to doing. No, I don't believe that's a radical or unreachable dream. I totally believe it's possible. But I don't think he does. To him work is something you do to pay the bills. This is true, but that doesn't mean you should be forced to take whatever is available, even though he probably will, especially in this economy.
A few weeks ago I started going to a new playgroup with the kids. I had heard about it for awhile, but I always worked on Tuesday mornings, or was too shy to go. Even though I usually pull it off, I'm actually highly self conscious and afraid that I won't be accepted. Tonight this group had a Mom's Night In. Originally I had obviously not planned on going, since it would have required finding a sitter. I have a quarter tank of gas to last until Friday, so we did some careful planning. If we skipped going to the playgroup tomorrow morning, I could go to the Moms Night tonight. I could network and get the word out that he needed a job. Tomorrow, instead of playgroup, I'll be going to apply for food stamps.
I DON'T WANT TO!!!!! I can hear the judgments now. Until recently, I have tried not to complain about how poor we have been. I recognized that it was our (my) choice by not working full time. Applying for food stamps and cash assistance doesn't feel right to me. What right do I have to use taxpayer money to send my child to an expensive private school? What right do I have to remain working only part time and use taxpayer money to help feed my family?
I want the right to raise my children.
I fail to see why society expects me to pay someone else to raise my children just so I can be a "productive member of society." I fail to see why my children do not deserve the type of good, quality, education that I feel is best for them just because we are not rich. I have been a productive member of society. There were countless 80 hour weeks working as a manager at Pizza Hut, paying the taxes that I am now asking to use. As my children grow older, their need for my time will diminish. I will return to being an economically "productive member of society." I hate this shame that I feel at the thought of what I will do tomorrow. I hate knowing that I will be treated with disrespect and disreguard, just because I believe that being with my children is the most important thing I should be doing with my life right now. Their childhood is so short.
On their deathbed, no one ever says, "I wish I would have spent more time at work."
I found so much more than I expected at the meeting tonight. I went in tentatively, unsure of my welcome, and unsure of my ability to follow the polite social norms that so elude me at times. But they did welcome me, and more than just polite politics, offered actual concrete support. A $7.50/hr job for hubby, should we be unable to find anything better. The services of a life coach so he can (hopefully!) finally find something he might enjoy. Even some leftover food.
Tonight someone called me a "strong, confident mother." Other people have called me strong before. It's curious to me that others view me as strong when I so often feel so weak, so powerless. The strength I have is from endurance, managing to survive through the tragedies and soap opera like life I have had. It is not a strength that I would wish on others, as it is a strength that has been born of fire and hardship. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people out there that have it harder than me. As one mother pointed out tonight, everyone has their own struggles. But strong can be a very lonely place to be.
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. ; You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows inAfghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI
CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN
CORPORATION
You Nohave one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal.
OK, so I'm a little behind the times. I realized a little while ago that I was no longer getting my sub emails, but didn't get the chance to look into it. So that means that unless I've seen your update on facebook, I haven't seen any of your posts since early August. I apologize, that situation will be rectified as soon as possible.
To make up for it, I'll share an adorable story from my son. Yesterday he very careful put one of the couch cushions down and told me to lay Kaya on the "hostibull" bed, complete with imaginary side railings. He then proceeded to use his "microphone" (aka toy phone) to check her tummy to make sure it's OK. I didn't think my hospital visits had made that much of an effect on him, guess I was wrong!
We also blew bubbles in the rain, that was fun. Tomorrow will be my first time going to the local Mommy & Me playgroup, I'm looking forward to it. This week will also start me having Thursdays off in addition to Tuesdays. Work has been slowing down so it's not like I didn't see the drop in hours coming, but it will definitely hurt financially. I need another source of income, but I haven't really figured anything out yet. It'll work out, it always does somehow....
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